Japanese friends

Our friends Kiri, Koyuki, Hitoha and Noel visited to see P.  Koyuki is five months old.  It has been fun to watch her grow.  It is especially funny to compare little 8 week P to his chubby girlfriend.  Imagine them meeting later in life when P will be a tall and handsome American boy and Koyuki a petite and pretty Japanese girl. 

purikura

Yesterday we had our first family purikura photo session. Purikura is the Japanese photo booth where you can choose themes and then after the photos are taken you decorate your pictures to make them KAWAII (cute)!! It is very popular with Japanese girls.  Now that rainy season has arrived in Hachinohe, purikura provides a few minutes of inside entertainment. 

Grandparents, Tokyo and a passport

We enjoyed the rest of our visit from Todd's parents.  It was especially nice for P to have lots of cuddles and entertainment from their singing.  He responded with coos and smiles.  It is so fun how he interacts and responds to our voices.
In the above left picture he is alert and ready for his passport picture but by the time we walked to the picture place down the street he was asleep.  We had to tickle his neck to wake him. Once he woke up he looked a little like the above right picture with less cheese.  This picture was taken in the morning when I can get lots of smiles from him.  I am SO in love!!

We rented a car (a FIT!) for the last few days of the grandparent's visit.  It was nice to explore more of the surrounding areas of Hachinohe.  We went to Kabushima, a shrine covered with seagulls and their poop.  P and I stayed in the car.  Then the coast.  It was cool and windy but they enjoyed the beautiful views and walk on the sandy beach.

Saturday afternoon, before our train to Tokyo, we enjoyed lunch at the Hasshoku fish market.  First we shopped for the fish we wanted to eat.  Then we grilled it at a restaurant next door.  Some of us even tried whale meat!  I passed (: I guess it tastes like salty beef.

Here we are ready to board our shinkansen to Tokyo.  We arrived in Tokyo Saturday night.  Todd's parents left for Australia Sunday evening so we got a day together to explore the city.  Parker is a really good traveler. When he is not in the carrier sleeping, he is looking around at the lights.  He enjoyed riding the Tokyo metro with Memere and Papa.

After enjoying a Starbucks fix we went to Yasukuni shrine where there is an outdoor antique/flea market every Sunday. We were in search of kokeshi dolls and special WW2 sake cups. It was a beautiful place to stroll through the vendors under the tree lined walkway.  Later that afternoon P and I helped Memere and Papa find their train to the airport and we bid them sayonara until August. Then I enjoyed some Tokyo shopping while P slept (the joys of traveling with an infant, he sleeps most of the time!)

We stayed near Ikebukuro train station, home of the owls.  On the way to the embassy, Monday morning we had the pleasure of commuting with Tokyo residents.  Whoa, they really pack into the metro cars!! We had a 10 am appointment to apply for P's passport. We got a little taste of American security, metal detectors and bag searches to get into the embassy.  Fortunately, I had all of the correct paperwork and all went smoothly.  P is now officially an American citizen.  

We had a few hours before our train home, so why not go shopping in Shibuya?!

A view from our train, Mt. Iwate.  Almost home.

Shinkansen to Aomori

It has been a busy week. P met his Memere and Papa (Todd's parents), took his first shinkansen ride and got a visa. We traveled to Aomori in order to apply for P's Japanese visa (so he can stay in Japan legally) and explore another Japanese city with his grandparents. 

 He was a good baby on the train.  Very sleepy. 

We were pleasantly surprised to meet our friends Simon, Kiri and Koyuki at the immigration office!  Parker enjoyed meeting sweet Koyuki.  After getting the visa, we enjoyed a delicious scallop set meal for lunch.  Then we walked along the boardwalk taking advantage of the nice sunny weather.  Overall a productive and fun day. 

P's first month

A nurse gave P his first bath.  In Japan, babies are bathed everyday immersing the umbilical cord. Feeling relaxed with daddy after the bath.  

P is known as Tatsuki-kun to his Japanese friends. We got several visitors during our stay at the clinic.  We got flowers, clothes, a photo album and champagne. ありがと Alyssa, Atsuko, Baba, Kawaragi, Sakamoto, and Skuda sensei, Lindsay and Oliver and Lindsay. 

On our last night at the clinic, midwife Sato-san called us to our room door.  Much to our surprise she was holding a pan with my placenta in it.  She remembered that I asked to see it on the birthing day but she forgot to show it to me.  Whoa!  I asked what she was going to do with it.  She said it was going to be cremated at the city hospital. No placenta steaks for us. 

On our way home!! Goodbye Hachinohe Clinic.  

Our first family walk to enjoy the river lined with cherry blossoms! さくら sakura 

We were lucky to leave the clinic just in time for spring to arrive in Hachinohe!

A hanami picnic at Higashi Undo Koen cemetary! Wow, the blossoms were stunning. 

Finally, on day four, P's first poop at home.  Mommy was getting worried but he didn't disappoint.  This called for a spray off in the sink.  

Bonding with daddy.  An early morning Sounders game.  Bonding with mommy. Mother's day dinner at Kappa Sushi. Our first dinner out.  P slept through it.  

Embracing nature.  We watched the partial solar anular eclipse.  Daddy was excited about it! Tulips, getting in touch with your Dutch roots. 

Growing more alert, making eye contact and moving those hands! P's favorite way to sleep after a good feed.  Mom finding encouragement from other mothers. 

Sleep. P doesn't sleep very long on his back and is really good at escaping a swaddle.  We get the best rest when P is on mommy.  Mommy will take it whenever she can get it. 

Parker's birthing day, 4/24/12

A month ago today we welcomed Parker Tatsuki into our world.  This first month has included lots of getting to know each other. We have achieved a lot, including learning to breastfeed. Parker is gaining weight and makes eye contact with me when I talk to him.  I am adjusting to the slow life of breastfeeding all day and feeling like I get nothing else done all day.  But I managed to write an account of my labor and birth (mastering the art of one handed typing!)

This being my first birth the hard part was not knowing when our baby’s birthing day would arrive. We had a due date but at about 36 weeks I began noticing signs that his day was coming, I noticed my mucus plug started to come out and Braxton hick’s contractions especially when I walked.  I kept telling Todd about the signs but he and I both knew not to make much of them and that according to everything we read, we would know when real labor was beginning. 

During my long walks I started to experience a lot of tightening in my belly, they were especially noticeable starting on April 22^nd.  At this point in my pregnancy middle of the night bathroom trips had become routine.  At about 1:17 am on April 24, I woke up to visit the bathroom and noticed a “bloody show.”  I was also experiencing early contractions.  I tried to ignore them and go back to sleep.  I managed to toss and turn in bed until around 3:00 am.  I decided to try to distract myself from the uncomfortable feeling of the contractions by watching some trash T.V.  Sometime around then I also felt the contractions getting more regular.  I started to time them. They seemed to establish enough of a pattern for me to think I was really experiencing early labor.  After awhile I thought it was a good idea to try getting more sleep.  I lay in bed until 7:00 am, waiting for Todd to wake up for work to discuss whether we should give the clinic a call. We decided to alert Alyssa (our translator) and have her call the clinic. At the time I felt really indecisive about going to the clinic or waiting it out, all of our preparation told us to stay home during early labor.  But I felt worried that if Todd and Alyssa went to work I'd be all alone to cope with the labor and make decisions on how to get to the clinic later.  I felt like going to the clinic would make it official, they would stamp that I was indeed in labor and Todd and Alyssa would have the day off to be with me.  We ended up going to the clinic at about 9:00 am.  In hindsight I think it was way too early, we should have stayed home until 3:00 or 4:00 pm but at the time I felt like I wanted someone to tell me I was really in labor.  When we arrived at the clinic the midwife examined me and they monitored me with the fetal monitor.  I was only 3cm dilated and she said I probably wouldn’t birth until that evening.  But they preferred that I stayed at the clinic.  I reluctantly agreed because in some ways I felt safer being there to ask questions and have my progress monitored.  So that was the beginning of a very long day of labor with a happy birthday ending!

After settling into my private room, it was tough to want to just sit in the room.  I felt anxious and excited about the birthing day finally arriving.  I walked around the room and clinic hallways, stopping to breathe and hold onto something during the increasing intensity of my contractions.  By lunch time we all felt cooped up and needing some air.  I had cravings to go eat out, feeling like I could get in one last meal before baby.  By the time the nurses monitored me and gave us clearance to leave for half an hour my contractions were feeling very strong.  We decided that a walk outside would do me good but a meal in a restaurant was a bit unrealistic since at that point I couldn’t imagine sitting still. It felt good to be in fresh air and moving. There were signs all around that spring was just about to burst in Hachinohe. After a walk around the clinic vicinity we returned so I could rest.  Alyssa and Todd left for lunch and to pick up a few things I decided I needed from home now that I was settled in.  At that point I felt hungry, I asked Todd to make me an egg sandwich for my lunch. But by the time they returned my hunger wasn’t what it had been. I tried eating some of the sandwich, a mistake because I ended up losing that and anything else I had eaten recently.  At this point it was around 2 or 3pm, I was well into intense and regular contractions.  The nurse had Todd start to time the contractions because I refused to have the fetal monitor, it felt like the monitor made the contractions more painful and it distracted me from relaxing and breathing through them.  I began feeling nauseous and eventually threw up. I didn't expect the contractions to totally take over my body to the point of making me sick. 

At this point I was alternating between walking around the room to lying in bed, in and out of relaxation.  At 5pm my water broke, gushing out as I stood leaning on the sink in my room.  After that I got in the shower then decided I wanted to try taking a bath.  All of these choices were in effort to try to deal with the pain that was beginning to overcome me.  Eventually I was helped out of the bath and checked internally by the midwife.  I was 5 cm dilated and felt a little discouraged. My contractions were really intense but it seemed like I wasn’t progressing.

I knew I needed to rest and relax.  Todd and I holed up in the clinic room.  It was dark with soft music playing.  I lay in the bed, clutching my body pillow and breathing, working through states of relaxation.  Todd talked me through visualizations scripts; he gave me light touch massage and encouraged me through my contractions. I especially remember him walking me through visualizations of our neighborhood in Seattle and snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef. The hypnobirthing (HB) relaxation and breathing helped me to focus on letting my body take over and not fearfully focusing on the pain.  It got me to the point of 10 cm dilated. Finally!

At about 8pm I felt my body change from belly contractions to a heaviness and pain in my vaginal opening, my baby was finally descending. I started feeling like pushing or using my birth breathing. Todd had left to go eat dinner in the waiting room where Alyssa was napping on the couch.  When he returned he found me on the toilet with the nurses.  I must have called them because I felt the baby’s head. Around 8:45pm the midwife and nurses were trying to get me to the birthing room. It was go time.  Once I was in the birthing room they wanted to monitor me with the fetal monitor.   I sat uncomfortably while they got their readings, all the while feeling like I needed to move.  Eventually I was able to move around exploring the birthing positions I’d learned in HB. The squatting position while leaning on Todd felt the most effective with each contraction and push.  Although it was really tiring to hold myself up for long periods of time so I alternated between squatting and all fours.  At that point Parker’s head was going in and out of my opening.  With encouragement from the midwife, I made my way back onto the birth chair. By now a small part of his head was sticking out but after several more contractions there was no more progress. The doctor and midwife asked to perform an episiotomy.  I asked for more time to try to breathe him out.  I tried to make the most of each contraction using birth breathing and some pushing. My legs were in stirrups and I was sitting upright.  I pulled on my knees with each contraction trying to use my whole body to push him out.  Eventually I tired and there was still little progress. His head seemed to be stuck.  They mentioned cutting again and I agreed to it because I felt exhausted and ready to meet my baby. They asked me not to push until I was coached.  Next thing I knew a contraction came, they told me to push and my baby was coming out into our world.

At 11:05 Parker gushed out and was lifted onto my belly.  I felt emotional, relieved and in awe. I was just starting to admire my baby.  But the doctor felt concerned that he wasn’t breathing and was in distress so he was taken from my belly. That is when they clamped and cut the cord, at about 2 min after birth.  Then they took Parker to the examining table to suction his throat and give him oxygen.  I feel like they could have given him a little more time on the cord but once I got my breathing healthy baby boy back in my arms I wasn’t concerned with anything else except for my precious miracle! I remember birthing the placenta quickly and easily. I was pretty unaware of them sewing me up.  I was focused on getting to know Parker, we cuddled as he cried and whimpered a lot.  We stayed in the birthing room for a few hours. That night the midwife tried to help Parker latch onto my breast but he seemed to be too traumatized to eat.  We decided that it would be best for him to sleep in the incubator for the night and daddy and I would have uninterrupted sleep to recover from the long day.  Thanks to Alyssa, I enjoyed two American granola bars to fill my empty stomach before a good rest. 

Dr. Wada in purple and some of the nurses.

Parker and I stayed at the clinic for five days.  The nurses bathed and monitored Parker.  I got three delicious meals a day as well as a leg massage. The midwives helped me with breastfeeding and massage to help my milk to come in.  There were a few precarious moments when they worried too much about Parker’s weight and got me a little worked up.  But for the most part I was happy to have the time to rest and relax.  The stay even included a five-course dinner for two that they prepared for Todd and I. I left feeling ready to mother on my own but thankful for the loving care from the staff who treated us like family. 

This is the midwife and nurse that attended the birth, along with Alyssa our translator. I attribute my positive birth experience to midwife Sato-san.  She really understood and advocated for what I wanted.

On Pregnancy in Japan

As a form of reflection I am writing about my pregnancy and birth.  This post is on my pregnancy.  I share this here because I like how this blog has become a document to record our year in preparation for saying goodbye to being just the two of us in Japan to being a family in Japan.  I look forward to sharing it with Parker one day! 

Lesson: you can try to plan and prepare for a pregnancy but it will happen when it happens

Todd and I decided to start trying to get pregnant in the spring of 2010.  We had a grand plan that I’d be pregnant by July and give birth by April 2011.  Just in time to take maternity leave and enjoy the summer off with our new baby.  Well the summer of 2010 came and went and we weren’t pregnant.

At that time I started facing my fears that I could never get pregnant and wondered what was wrong with me or us.  Todd got tested and all was normal.  I started tracking my cycle and thought too much about the whole affair. After awhile we just resigned to what will be will be and started making plans for the 2011-2012 school year.  Todd was tired of his teaching job and I had an itch to travel.  Todd had always wanted to spend time exploring Japan so we decided to apply for the JET program.  I interviewed for a position and was hired.  We started making preparations to move our lives to Japan for a year and left at the end of July.  Our focus was shifted away from starting a family.  Instead we were starting a completely different adventure together. 

At the end of July 2011, I flew to Japan with other JET program participants and Todd met me in Hachinohe about 10 days later.  We think we conceived on his first night in Hachinohe, August 5th!  Nothing like missing each other to inspire baby making. 

Well by the middle of September it was clear that Japan wasn’t going to be only about the traveling and learning we’d do together.  We were pregnant, in Japan, an ocean away from family, friends and support.  Not to mention our less than basic Japanese language skills to communicate and advocate for ourselves.  Luckily, through JET we were plugged into a network of English speaking foreigners that were pretty proficient in Japanese and familiar with Hachinohe.  After missing my period and taking a home pregnancy test I knew I had to find a doctor to confirm my pregnancy.  I had been getting to know a few women I worked with. We attended a Japanese dance class together.  I gathered up my courage and asked a very new friend, Alyssa (fluent Japanese speaker) to accompany me to the doctor to be tested.  At the doctor, I was examined internally with an ultrasound and given our first baby picture.  We were pregnant indeed!  Now our focus was on getting through the first 12 weeks and finding a doctor in Hachinohe. 

Lesson: a pregnancy in a foreign country means flexibility, learning to give up control, and lots of ultrasounds (if that country is Japan)

By this stage in my life I had already thought about what my ideal pregnancy and birth experience would be. I would find a nice birthing clinic with a midwife and doula to support me. During my pregnancy, I would exercise regularly, including lots of swimming.  I would give birth naturally, maybe even try a water birth.  Well by the 10^th week of my pregnancy I realized that I was going to have to adopt an attitude of flexibility when it came to my ideal pregnancy and birth if we were going to stick it out in Japan.  (There were many moments, especially in the first and last weeks where I wanted to give up staying in Japan and move home!) 

The most major obstacle to advocating for what I wanted was the language.  I am working with a VERY basic level Japanese.  I had to learn to give over control to a third party to translate everything the doctor and nurses were saying to me.  Eventually, I learned to trust Alyssa and am confident that she advocated for us to the best of her ability.  Our trust and friendship evolved in nine months and she ended up being there for our entire labor, birth and stay at the clinic.  Alyssa has been such a blessing in our lives!

My first lessons in flexibility came when I realized in Japan pregnant women are treated like they are fragile and expected to do very little. I tried to join a gym to swim at and was informed that because I was pregnant I would not be allowed a membership.  When I asked my doctor to approve swimming during pregnancy she looked at me with wide eyes and declined.  Clearly I would need to find other forms of exercise during this pregnancy.  Around this same time I expressed interest in giving birth at a midwife clinic and asked my doctor for recommendations.  During my next visit she informed me that I would not be allowed to birth with a midwife because it was my first pregnancy.  I would have to birth at the city hospital.  Fortunately later in my pregnancy the doctor offered to let me birth at the Hachinohe clinic instead of the hospital.  I am not sure if this is because my pregnancy was very healthy or if a space had opened up around my due date.  Anyhow I have encountered several other points during my pregnancy when I have had to remind my self about being flexible and the greater importance of birthing a healthy baby. 

In Japan, pregnancy is closely monitored through regular appointments and records kept in your boshi techo (a book that records the mother and babies health).  The boshi techo is given to pregnant women once their pregnancy is registered with the city office.  In addition to the boshi techo women are given coupons to subsidize the regular doctor visits.  Officially a healthy pregnancy is not covered by the social health insurance because it is not seen as a medical condition. In addition to subsidized doctor visits the birth and hospital stay is mostly covered by a birth allowance.  We only ended up paying around $200 in medical bills during the pregnancy.  We will also receive a 2/3-salary reimbursement for the time I was off during maternity leave.  In Japan they definitely have a system that encourages couples to have families and there are financial incentives to women for taking off to raise your children. 

With this social system comes lots of monitoring and just accepting the Japanese way of doing things.  I had a doctor’s appointment every month and then by the end of pregnancy every week, I think that is pretty standard care everywhere.  Although with each doctor visit here came an ultrasound, their sole way of monitoring the baby aside from the fetal monitor, urine, blood pressure, and blood tests on me.  When we raised concern at the high number of ultrasounds, the doctor seemed confused and acted as if there was no other way to do things.  We often got this type of response whenever we tried to question the way things were done or to refuse certain care.  The up side was we got a picture of our baby every month but we didn’t know how the frequent ultrasounds were affecting our little guy.  Todd’s theory is that it causes premature/early births.  Interestingly, Parker came early along with every other baby we know that has been born in Japan. 

Lesson: do your research, know what you want and ask for it even though you might not get everything

Living in Aomori, far away from the diversity of Tokyo, there wasn’t an option to hire a doula.  Early in my pregnancy I searched for a method that would help me manage the pain of labor naturally.  I found hypnobirthing through one of my sister’s contacts.  After doing research I found a woman who offered classes in Tokyo.  It ended up working out for us to have her coach us through skype.  The practice of hypnobirth approaches labor and birth as just what the body does naturally.  You learn ways to relax your mind to let your body release and do it’s job.  In preparation I practiced relaxation and breathing exercises daily.  Todd read scripts to help me visualize and deepen my relaxation.  Overall the method wasn’t easy to implement through my whole labor but it got me from 5 cm to 10 cm dilated the most excruciating part of my labor.  A dark room, music playing, laying on my left side hugging a body pillow, Todd talking me through visualization scripts.  At one point we were snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef together.  Then next thing I knew I was on the toilet feeling my baby’s head pushing at my vaginal opening. 

I read a lot.  I prepared a birth plan and discussed it with the doctor, midwife and staff.  We negotiated parts where they weren’t able to accommodate my exact requests.  For example waiting to clamp the cord until it stopped pulsating. We ended up compromising at around 3 min and they ended up clamping the cord at 2 min. I also specified in our plan that we didn’t want any interventions without medical necessity and the ability to discuss our options before action was taken.  The doctor and midwife respected my wishes before performing an episiotomy.  After letting me try to push my baby out naturally I agreed to be cut out of concern for Parker and pure exhaustion. I felt like being informed and knowing what we wanted helped to set us up for the positive birth experience we had planned.

Lesson: even in Japan, pregnancy doesn’t have to slow you down much

While pregnant I walked, did yoga/pilates, swam (in Aus.), snorkeled, and hiked. I was doing yoga and walking up until the day before I went into labor.  I enjoyed my growing belly and tried to embrace each phase staying active and eating healthy. 

When we made plans to move to Japan we wanted to open ourselves up to traveling in new parts of the world.  Fortunately, even with baby on the way we stuck to our travel plans.  We got to take big trips to Hokkaido, Kyoto and Australia/New Zealand.  We also did a lot of small trips around Aomori.  We sufficiently fulfilled our baby moon travel bug.  But something tells me our little bundle won’t slow us down too much.

In less than 3 months we say goodbye to Japan and hello to Seattle! I feel ready to leave but I am thankful for the experiences we’ve had here.  There will always be a special place in our hearts for Hachinohe, the clinic, doctor Wada sensei, midwife Sato san, nurses and Alyssa who helped us bring our beautiful son Parker into this world.